A Letter to My Children

Dear children of mine:

You are ten and almost seven years old, respectively. As you've grown and become more independent, it's been difficult for me to make sure any one part of you gets washed effectively--you've emerged from twenty-minute showers with, amazingly, still-grubby faces and knees. I don't know how you do that.

If I can't get your face washed in that length of time, I don't know how anyone is supposed to get you brainwashed in less. But that's apparently what the President is going to try to do on Tuesday. Good luck to him on that. Personally, I can't imagine any government official being able to hold your attention for more than twenty seconds unless he speaks in Spongebob's voice.

But he's apparently going to try, and it's up to your teacher whether she's going to let you listen (and I mean "listen" in the reform sense of the word, where your ears are in the same room as the sound being played--see above). And if you do listen, and the President's words penetrate your summer-softened brains, he's going to try turn you into a social activist.

You're going to be asked to reflect on the President's words and consider dangerous and subversive questions such as:

*What is the President trying to tell me?

*What is the President asking me to do?

*What new ideas and actions is the President challenging me to think about?

Children may even be asked to do something, like:

Create posters of their goals. Posters could be formatted in quadrants or puzzle pieces or trails marked with the labels: personal, academic, community, country. Each area could be labeled with three steps for achieving goals in those areas. It might make sense to focus on personal and academic so community and country goals come more readily.

Write letters to themselves about what they can do to help the president. These would be collected and redistributed at an appropriate later date by the teacher to make students accountable to their goals.

My sweethearts, I just want you to know before you go into school on Tuesday: nobody can force you to have goals if you don't want to, not even personal ones. No one can force you to think about your community or your country, or make you believe that your actions could even make it a better place. There's a chance the President is going to float the idea that we all have to pull together to make positive change. I mean, how crazy is that? And I'll be damned if anybody tries to teach my kids that they have to be accountable. Or, for that matter, that they should have any respect for the Office of the President, if the President happens to be someone their parents disagree with.

So don't worry, kids. Mommy's got your back. And if. on Tuesday, you start to feel a sense of empowerment or responsibility, don't panic. Just shut your eyes real tight and think of Spongebob.

Comments

[Julie]

Yes! Damn this president and his "civil discourse" and his "rational thinking" and his "reasonable requests." We don't believe in that here, THIS IS AMERICA!

[Carolina]

This is cute! Yeah, I'm not an Obama fan, but if he were to start making them memorize Obama's little red book--then I would be worried:)

[Patsy Bell Hobson]

Jenny, love this letter. Maybe we should ask the president if he can get those kids to also wash their hands while he is washing their brains and help prevent flu from shutting down our schools this winter.

[landismom]

Beautiful.

I keep wanting to ask these people--do you have as little influenced over your children as I have over mine?

[Christine]

All I have to say is love it!!! Honestly, people need to get a grip.

[Lisa Christiano Rose]

Darren turned me onto your post and boy do I agree! The rhetoric from the right is so hateful and has such potential to incite violence. These are scary times. I love your twist on this. I can't believe all the manufactured fear over what our scholarly president might impart to schoolchildren. Are they afraid he might suck the Republican right out of them by the time the bell rings? Thank you for your comic relief in the midst of this ridiculous farce.

[Kristen DeDeyn Kirk]

Here's hoping your children didn't succumb to the brainwashing and as a result have the urge to aim high.

[Ellen]

Brilliantly stated! I don't have kids myself but I am surrounded by them and I know just what you're talking about. I only wish the President had come to my school and done a better job of brainwashing me when I was younger...