Nervous Girl

To the Frizzy Blonde in Yoga Pants at the Post Office

Dear Frizzy Blonde in Yoga Pants at the Post Office:

I hope my frenetic jangling of my car keys while in line in front of you did not disturb your peaceful sojourn at the post office, or lead you to conclude that I was having a seizure. It's just that the sound system was playing "All Summer Long" by Kid Rock, a song that pissed me off the very first time I heard it, ripping off much better songs by Warren Zevon and Lynyrd Skynyrd as it does. And it has grown to irritate me more with each inescapable subsequent hearing, as it's been played incessantly on the radio, well, all summer long. And into the fall. And then there it was today in the post office, and there you were behind me, bopping along to it and singing off key, clearly hoping to be admired by the guy with the earring in line behind you. As I saw it, my realistic options were either: a) jangle my keys loudly to drown the whole mess out or, b) stab you with them.

Like I said: I hope you were okay with me jangling my keys.

Yours truly,

Nervous Girl

Why I'm Voting For Obama

Reasons that Matter:

1. His health care plan, while not perfect, makes more sense than McCain's.
2. His tax plan seems more fair, especially to lower-income people.
3. The next President will replace at least one, and possibly three Supreme Court Justices. The ones most likely to leave are more liberal (for Pete's sake, John Paul Stevens is 88! Do you think he's hanging on by his fingernails until January before retiring, or what?) And it's not just about abortion; there are issues like pay equity to think about here. 
4. But speaking of abortion, even as a Christian who believes life begins at conception, and who would prefer that no one ever had an abortion: I still think the decision is best made between a woman and her doctor. And I think the candidates have been clear about where they stand on this issue. To my husband, who asks why I get all wound up about abortion, since I am almost certainly never going to need one, I say that the way you look at a woman's rights regarding her own body often says a lot about how you view women's rights in general.
5. Senator Obama is very intelligent. I want a smart President, well-versed in the workings of the law. I want the leader of the country I love to be one of the very best and brightest people in it. There have been many knocks on Obama for being elitist. I think this is because he went to Columbia, and Harvard Law School, and was President of the Harvard Law Review. This doesn't make him elitist, although it places him among the elite. There is a big difference.
6. I think that Obama's temperament makes him better suited to be President than John McCain. I think Obama is calm and deliberate, thoughtful, and willing to surround himself with smart people who disagree with him. I think John McCain is volatile and erratic.
7. I think Senator McCain revealed himself to have poor judgement in the apparently impulsive and politically expedient selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate. Not one newspaper, magazine, book, or news program I have seen has been able to convince me that she was the best choice McCain could have made. I won't belabor what a poor choice I think she is--at least not in this post. A thousand bloggers and dozens of newspaper endorsements of Senator Obama have already made that point.
8. He's got really nice teeth. That's not a reason to vote for him, I just threw that in to see if anybody was still reading.

Keeping each other civil

I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.         -Voltaire

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battle-field, and patriot grave, to every living heart and hearth-stone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.         -Abraham Lincoln

A newspaper column I read this morning likened election season to pregnancy: at first, there's great excitement as things change and take shape. And the last month is uncomfortable, often downright painful, and we just want it to be over. I'm starting to feel that way.

I have fairly strong feelings about this election. I freely admit there are things beyond my ken, but I have not given up on understanding them, and I am trying to inform myself as best I can. The right to vote is an awesome privilege, and I admit nothing short of contempt for those who exercise it casually.

The temptation at times is to surround myself with like-minded people and mutter darkly amongst ourselves until November 4, when we can finally vote and retreat to softly-lit family rooms to watch the returns come in.  This is a dangerous temptation. One of my New Year's resolutions was to acknowledge the disturbing possibility that I may not be right all the time. I know, I know, the thought is nearly as frightening to you as it is to me.

The least discerning among my acquaintances has probably gleaned that I intend to vote for Barack Obama on November 4. Most, but not all, of my friends feel the same way. It is my fervent hope that he wins. I am not in the least ambivalent about this. But I am really grateful for my friends who are unequivocal in their hope that he doesn't win.

Let me explain. I am not grateful for every McCain supporter, nor even every one that I know. But there are enough that I know to be just as diligent in their reading and research as I, and they have come to a different conclusion than I have.  My friends may place emphasis on different strengths or attributes than I, but I know this: they are intelligent, thoughtful, principled people. This fact, and the fact that I can picture their faces when tempted to mock McCain supporters in general, provides me a very important service: it keeps my mouth, if not shut, at least civil. It forces me to find support for my positions. If forces me to acknowledge that I can learn something from someone else, and it won't kill me. If it doesn't change my mind, it helps me to articulate more clearly my own beliefs.

I do not actually enjoy this. I like making fun of people with whom I disagree. I am, in fact, shockingly good at it. But I know it's not good for me. I know it's not good. I'm reminded of the scene from The West Wing in which a young Republican lawyer has taken a job in a very liberal Democratic White House. She's meeting with her friends, who don't know yet that she's accepted the position, and they are chortling with glee, imagining the disdain with which she rejected the job, and the administration that offered it. And the young lawyer responds:

"Say they are smug and superior. Say their approach to public policy makes you want to tear your hair out. Say they like high taxes and spending your money. Say they want to take your guns and open your borders but don't call them worthless. . . . The people I have met have been extraordinarily qualified. Their intent is good. Their commitment is true. They are righteous, and they are patriots. And I'm their lawyer."

I like that. I like that you can strongly disagree with someone without being contemptuous of them. But it requires knowing what you stand for, and with what you disagree, and why. It requires thought. It's harder and less fun than knee-jerk reactions, than grimaces and eye-rolls. But it's what we owe to our country, and to each other.

I had intended to write a detailed post on the things that are important to me in this election and the specific reasons I intend to vote as I do. I hope to still write that post. In the meantime, I offer the text of the Washington Post endorsement of Obama, which says a lot of the same things more eloquently than I could hope to.

Bachelor #2

When I was a senior in college, some sorority sisters talked me into placing a personal ad in the college newspaper of our large university. It was a joke. I dashed it off lightly, with the result that the ad I wrote was smarter and funnier than if I had, in earnest, been seeking a SWM. As a result, it got at least two responses, themselves printed in the personals column.

I don't remember the content of the first response. I did meet the guy, whom I'll call Bachelor #1, for coffee. All I remember is that he was nice, and that he wore a pink oxford shirt. It was a pleasant cup of coffee, and I would bet he's long forgotten all about it.

By the time the second response hit the paper, I had started dating someone I'd been making eyes at for months. I simply never responded to the ad. I continued dating my boyfriend until graduation, and then I moved on.

If the ad had talked about how good-looking or fit or smart or interesting Bachelor #2 was, I probably would have forgotten it, lo, these twenty years ago.

But I didn't, because Bachelor #2 sent me a song snippet from Paul Simon's "I Know What I Know:"

She said, 'Don't I know you from the cinematographer's party?'

I said, 'Who am I to blow against the wind?'

Well. What the hell did that mean? I've been wondering, on and off, for two decades. I mean, pretty daring, responding to a personal with a cryptic song lyric. And why that lyric? Was this guy a Paul Simon fan (as I am)? Was he a creepy stalker? My soul mate?

I will never know. There is no "back" button I can press in my life, no archives I can search. The only balm for my thwarted curiosity is that the life I ended up with is such a good one that I can afford not to care about the "what if."

What's your "what if?" You know you have one. One choice you made, or let slip by, that altered the landscape of your life, even if you didn't know it at the time.

Head over to Kristen's and tell your tale. She's giving away a copy of Time of My Life, a brand spanking new book about (you guessed it) a woman pondering the path not taken, and where it might have led.

But hie thee over there before 12 a.m. on Sunday, or this will be just one more chance that has passed you by.

A Little Help Can Go a Long Way

So, a few years back, I wrote a blog post, and this nice woman, Cooper, left a comment. So I clicked on her name and visited the blog she wrote with her friend, Emily, and I left a comment. And we commented back and forth for several months. Then the two of them started a website, and they asked if I would be an editor and contributor. And I said I would, and it happened that there was another editor, Brandie. And the three of them, Cooper, Emily, and Brandie, turned out to be the loveliest, funniest, smartest and most principled people you could possibly imagine. And for some reason, they still wanted to hang out with me. (It is possible they are being paid by my family to rehabilitate me or keep me occupied so I won't get into trouble. But they do seem to genuinely like me.)

The website Cooper and Emily started, the Motherhood, has been tucked into a little Internet cocoon (this is how I believe website redesigns are accomplished) and it will emerge on Saturday, shinier and so much cooler than before. It's for smart mamas who care about their families and the world around them, so I urge you to come on over and join up--it's totally free!

And that will free up a couple of dollars for you to help Brandie help teachers, students, and schools in need in these very tough times. Don't worry if all you can spare is a couple of dollars. If everyone with a good heart and the means to buy themselves a latte gave a couple of bucks, an awful lot of schoolchildren could be helped.

The Secret of Life

The secret of life is a good cup of coffee
The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball
The secret of life is to find the right woman
The secret of life is nothin' at all
                            -"The Secret of Life," Faith Hill

I haven't heard that song in over a year, but it's been running through my head lately, because I've been trying to persuade my son of what I think is a secret of life, but by no means the only one: "Pay now or pay later. If you pay later, it will cost you more."

It fits all kinds of situations. Pay off your credit card every month, or you'll rack up debt you may not be able to pay off. Study a little bit every night, all semester, or you'll have to cram the night before the final and you'll do worse on the test. Eat right and exercise now, or be fat and unhealthy when you're older. Keep up with the housework every day, or you'll have to run around like a lunatic cleaning when your mother-in-law calls to say she'll be by in an hour. (Note: I thank God every day that I married a man whose mother is easygoing, pleasant, uncritical, and lives six hours away.)

I try to remind myself of this "secret" when putting off tasks that are irksome or difficult. I won't be able to avoid them, only to delay them, and they will never get easier or more pleasant. Sometimes it works, but I am a skilled and powerful rationalizer, and I am frequently able to talk myself out of doing what's best for me.

I'll listen to you, though. Tell me: what do you think is the secret of life?