1. You don’t get to watch TV until you’re dressed, your teeth are brushed, and your bed is fixed.
2. You may then watch as much TV as you wish, so long as you have spent an equivalent amount of time reading or doing math worksheets.
3. Otherwise, TV time is at the sole discretion of the mother.
4. Your father spends 70 hours a week slaving to pay the mortgage on a house that has a big, safe yard. If you’re bored, go find something to do in it.
5. Speaking of slaves, I am not one. So don’t be throwing your toys, Popsicle wrappers, and sandwich crusts on the floor and expecting me to pick them up.
6. Speaking of Popsicles: the song of the ice cream truck is not a mandatory call to worship. I’ve got the same ice cream pops in my freezer. If you need music with your ice cream, I’ll be happy to sing “She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain” while I make you wait for one.
7. Just because you don’t have to be up at 7:30 anymore doesn’t mean you get to stay up and watch Letterman. Deal with it.
8. You have one living sibling, and I’m not making any more. Please do not push, pinch, bite, grab, maul, slug, shake, hit, punch, scratch, stab or otherwise injure your sole sibling, or you alone will be responsible for changing my Depends when I’m 90.
9. If you are displeased with the conduct of your sibling or an edict from your parent, please express your displeasure with respectful words and carefully modulated tones, not with grunts, whimpers, or, God help you, whining.
10. Screaming is allowed. But only by me.
I'm going to print this out and keep it handy for future summer vacations, as I'm pretty sure these are the same rules my mother gave me back in the day. Some things never change.
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | June 15, 2006 at 04:24 PM
One way to discourage the kids on wanting ice cream(see #6) when they "hear the music". Tell them that the music means that the are out of ice cream.
Posted by: Toad | June 15, 2006 at 04:54 PM
So, we (not me, but all those short people who have run wild over my house the past week)have broken every single summer rule listed above. Thank God summer camp starts next week. they are making me nervous times ten (or, well, four.)
Posted by: cooper | June 15, 2006 at 08:37 PM
Such sage advice. I will particularly be parroting number 8.
Posted by: Suzanne | June 15, 2006 at 08:38 PM
Amen! Preach it Sistah!
Posted by: Salome Ellen | June 15, 2006 at 10:24 PM
I think to myself some days, "only four years left til she can go to day camp."
Posted by: Caroline | June 15, 2006 at 10:34 PM
School ends one week from tomorrow. I am afraid, very afraid!
Posted by: Hoo | June 15, 2006 at 11:23 PM
Very very...very. :)
Posted by: Northern_Girl | June 16, 2006 at 09:55 AM
I've had to drag my daughter out of bed at 6:30 every school morning all year. So what time did she get up on her first day of summer vacation--without me dragging her out of bed--why, 6:30 of course. It would actually matter except that my youngest gets up at 5:30. My goal is to get them all to sleep in--I'll probably accomplish that about a week before school starts--and then I'll be back to dragging the school age kids out of bed.
Posted by: Cherie | June 16, 2006 at 01:01 PM
Great list.
When we were little, we'd hear the call of the ice cream truck and my mother would tell us it was the dog catcher.
we believed her.
Well, eventually we got wise but that line did buy her some time.
Posted by: Jen | June 16, 2006 at 04:46 PM
Just because you do no bodily harm to your siblings, it does NOT mean you will not be the only one changing your parents depends, or putting them on and off the porta-pot.
Posted by: Badsissy | June 16, 2006 at 07:05 PM
Au contraire, my badsissy, perhaps your travails with the porta-pot are your karmic reward for calling your innocent younger sister "Toilet" every chance you got. Or perhaps what goes around comes around, and I'll be changing your Depends someday. Lord, I hope somebody is willing to change mine when the day comes.
Posted by: Becki | June 16, 2006 at 07:30 PM
I guess I'd have to add to that list one more, in the spirit of #10:
No drinking is allowed. Except by me.
Posted by: Nancy | June 16, 2006 at 08:18 PM
absolutely hysterical.
but... you make your kids do math-sheets over the summer?
Posted by: grumpygirl | June 17, 2006 at 09:54 AM
#11 Do not ask :"Is today the day we are going to Darien Lake?" At least until Poppa has had coffee.....then only ask it 6 times, not 60......
Posted by: fdr | June 19, 2006 at 01:18 PM
I think I need to print those out for future reference!
Posted by: R*belle | June 19, 2006 at 04:48 PM
Butrfly had you quoted on her sidebar today and I just had to come see the rest. HILARIOUS!
May I print them, frame them and ingraine them in my children's psyche?
Posted by: jenn in holland | July 03, 2007 at 05:47 AM
This one goes on the refrigerator. Rock on!
Posted by: Suzanne | April 24, 2008 at 12:08 PM